To The One I Truly Admire

Picture taken along the riverside in Balongao, Pangasinan

To the One I Truly Admire

I’m sorry for spilling the orange juice over your beautiful dress the other night. I still can’t get over about such stupidity and all these annoying matters I’ve done to you. Forgive me. I’ve failed to at least do something good to you.

I admire you and I just want you to know why I do and why I want to try, if there is any luck left, to court you before regret will come slapping my face tomorrow.

You are that kind of girl who looks grouchy but within, weighs a friendly person who have the warmest smile that flickers together with your beautiful eyes. And in such instances when you laugh one will come to deny that you are that scary grouchy girl in the school. Another reason why most who knows you pretty well can’t even laid down a dozen of reason of mistakes because they know, even there are some implications, that you are Kind-hearted person.

The first thing I notice is that you are emotionally resilient, the first time I saw you I thought you were a happy-go-lucky-rich-kid-who-doesn’t-give-fuck-because-she-is-too-beautiful-to-possess-any-stressful-problems kind of person but I was wrong. The first time I saw you, your Two-year Boyfriend just broke up with you though it turned to be like that I never see any sign that you let such pain to ruin yourself.

Another thing to consider is that you love reading books. As they say ‘Find someone who love to read books’ because they appreciate the thought and opinion of others. Readers met hundreds of souls, see the things an average person can’t notice and experienced complex emotions through the pages and chapters of every book they held into their hands and let those wisdoms sink into their soul.

Above from such, I didn’t find you, I notice you even you try to conceal yourself in the shadows whenever I try to take a stolen picture of yours. You are simple yet unique. I see that you hate to be in the limelight but you want people to notice you because they see you the way you wanted yourself to be seen by these persons around you.

I can go further defining you through these metaphors and elaborating some fractions of your infinites, I can even write a book for you if you want.

But do you know what makes me to admire you more than a girl who have 36B, a gentle waist curve, a buns and a compelling physical appearance? Because I see the person inside of such face and I admire her. Beautiful face would come to wither and die but never the soul which lies underneath, it would live in eternity in the minds of those who were left behind. As I said to you, ‘I accept you because it’s you’ and that is a good reason to fall for over and over again.

The fact is that, you are too perfect to be true, like an Angel, who comes down in this place to let men know that God exist in many different ways including Love and Admiration. You opened the highways of my senses to see what is not seen and to feel what is not felt and through such act I come to write this letter because I can’t go in front of you and talk about all these things. I’m afraid that I’m too imperfect for you.

This feeling is weird and so I’ am. The hardest part of everything is to start something when everything seems to be an end. Maybe we are just that two strangers who see each other on our life’s journey but I just don’t want to meet you in a crossroad in which we would head on opposite direction. I want to be with you and to see you being with someone that would fit into your perfection and at such point I would be eternally grateful and satisfied. To see someone you truly admire being grateful is enough to quench a heart of a content man.

To sum everything, here is how I can define you—you are that great star that I looked upon the night sky, you are that sunset that I come to watch after waiting for the entire day to pass and a sunrise that wakes me up through such warmest dew, a horizon that put a boundaries between the sky and the earth, a flower that mesmerize the eyes, the rain that falls blindly in the ground, a light that guides me back home, a soft wind in the fields that takes me off my feet, a music that sings a lullaby in my ears and an Angel that keeps me under the shores watching how this world revolves and see every piece of beauty that lived into its realm. And I know how these feelings stucked those who admire you more than I do.

It’s been a long time and I thought that this is some sort of feelings that would fade as the time pass by. All things change but that doesn’t mean all things are gone. But you see, I turned to love things because I see a fraction of you inside of such thing.

I wish I could’ve danced you a little longer, and let all these thoughts to fell into one definitive meanings. However things have an ending in which after the dance I would let go of your hand and let others feel the same emotions that comes across my senses when I held your hand as we dance together in the crowd but before such would happen I would like to thank you for the chance.

If you wonder why some would knock on your door and ask for a chance for them to love you? It’s because you are worth to be admired, to fall for and to be loved and a kind of princess who deserve a happy-ever-after story.

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7:09 PM | 0 comments

National Sentiment

The future of the nation lies in everything that lies within its boundaries

For a long time I stucked myself into the nothingness of the civilization in which I find myself during my realization about how the society turned against those who lives below its standard. In the silence of the solitude that my social sacrifice brought to me was simply amazing into the taste of my mind, as i plunge my ideas and my mind into a couple of textbook that i found at our old house and read those books that i forgot to read solely in my own satisfaction. The book, specifically the national bestseller Rizal's True Love by his granddaughter Gemma Cruz Araneta. I was attached into the nationalism in the article (In the book, as it is the compilation of her article published weekly in a national newspaper) and question myself if I'm worthy enough to be called as indeed a Filipino. But in my question, my mind suddenly remembers the society that i leave for a while to turn myself into an isolation of realization during the two months vacation period as a college student. My observation in my fellow generation suddenly came out of the depths of question, thus in the question I quickly answer the question for my fellow Filipino rather than answering if I'm indeed a Filipino through what Rizal has told us through his novels and his ideas.

It was a total disappointment as i realize that my fellow Filipino in my generation tend to be amazed in what other culture has to offer rather than looking down into the culture that is in the industry that we Filipino, being defined as a Filipino. Most of them "Koreanized" themselves or if not "Japanized" their thoughts and some of them almost disgracing the industry we have specifically the telenovelas in which they find themselves amused in watching shows with subtitles as the show primary language is Korean or Japanese (some are Taiwanese and i guess Filipino doesn't need any subtitles for English Movies). These generation finds themselves in listening in music that bares no understanding as they spoke a strange language that isn't included in the Philippine compulsary education subjects (except of course those linguist course).
We are exterminating the every reason and proof of being a Filipino or if not, places all this proofs down into the place where we could've place other foreign culture. We tend to forget what is written in our bloods and if possible have our own kind erected into a more worthy and proudable ideas. On such, we are slowly forgetting what our forefathers die for and that is to be independent and definable nation that our country, Philippines would be in the point of a United Nation even at the circumstances of its geographical divisions.
It isn't this divisions that divides our nation, it is our beliefs that there is right and wrong and there are superior and inferior culture. We are all Filipino, and such phrase seems not to turn into a greater favor but in times in which Pacman won another fight or the National Team were victorious against other foreign teams. Some of us were forced to called themselves as a Filipino because they are born in this poor country.
There are few of these nationalist whom we tend to hate or forget in the midst of the Globalisation. I'm not against the globalization, but to unite the world, we must first come into a firm standing and believe that we are what we are and exterminate those things that isn't important, and i'm talking the way how human must live out of the savagery that has been brought by our animal genes. The things is that we are exterminating things without even us knowing ourselves thus in the long run exterminate all important things without us knowing it.
If we fail to even concentrate in knowing ourselves then there is no possible chance that these country would ever prosper. We keep on plunging ourselves in the depths of other culture as of like what we did to our basic education in which we base such thoughts because 'Other' nation has 12 years basic education and it is just us who has 10 years. Even our government in which solely base on the American, we are not american, we are Filipino, and even how great the democratic system was in other nation if such thoughts seems to disagree to the very culture of our nation then we just end up in trying instead of doing things for progress.
In terms, it seems like the education in this country is not doing its job well specifically how we know ourselves and how we need to know ourselves. The education seems lost that tends to make those who learned lost not for those who has not perception where they must go. We are exterminating the fact of every aspect that these nation is not a nation to be united by one thought but to unite the entire nation even at such circumstances that every individual are free of the crowds and has firmly isolated by their own thoughts.
These education is not the education we must have, we need more than years, we need more humanity in every moment we have. And to love others we must love ourselves and every fraction of what makes us as us. We have to be ourselves first before being others or we'll be in prison without knowing that we're choking because we are constricted by these chains.
Being Filipino is not just being Filipino as of being a Human., we need to have a proof and a firm identification that we are worth to be called as that and to figure such is to plunge ourselves into the point that we have to know ourselves.

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11:44 PM | 0 comments

Limang Segundong Forever

ANG LIMANG SEGUNDONG FOREVER

"Hindi sa haba yan sa laki masusukat kung gaano kasarap at totoo ang pagmamahal" Karamihan sa panahon natin binabase ang tunay na pagmamahal sa tagal ng pagsasama, pero kung sa panahon din naman ang sukatan ng tunay pagmamahal diyan kayo mabibilib sa katropa ko na itago natin sa pangalang V. Si V na mahilig magtago sa dilim, ayaw sa liwanag at ang tanging liwanag na gusto niyang makita ay ang liwanag mula sa monitor ng kompyuter, tech-geek kung baga. Siya si V na nakamaskara nakikita mong nakangiti pero sa kalooblooban niya wala kang maaaninag na kasiyahan. Isa siyang taong nabiktima ng lecheng forever ni Marcelo, kasi sa loob ng tatlong taon sa Sintang Paaralan iisang babae lang ang kanyang nagustuhan. Biruin mo, sa dinami dami ng isda nakabingwit siya ng Century Tuna Flakes n oil--"It's good for the heart" ika nga. Marami ngang babaeng magaganda sa loob ng Sintang Paaralan "Look to your left, look to your right and shake it all around and all you can say is Wow Philippines--the feeling is like It's More Fun in the Philippines". Kaya nga may PUP Thomism para makuhanan sila at Mang Tomas Code para masabing "Maganda sila" at "Worth it mahalin" Pero si V iba, loyal na loyal siya kay babae hindi at NEVER naging sila. Mas talo pa niya ang dalawang tao na masasabing may 'Sila' kasi kahit hindi naging sila nairaos niya ang pagmamahal niya kay babae w/in 3years. Itago natin si babae sa pangalang Angeliqe, kasi maganda siya at isa siyang Anghel na galing sa langit at napunta sa lupa. Para bang si Angelique ay isang 50gb Flash Drive na na-eject sa langit at nakita ni V at siempre lahat naman siguro matutuwa pag nakakita ng 50gb Flash Drive kahit hindi alam kung anong mayroon sa loob. Na-meet ni V si Angelique sa isang student org--Freshmen si V sa kae-evolve na course ni Poseidon at si Angelique naman ay sophomore sa pagbebenta ng cupcakes(ewan ko lang) 7 years ang tanda niya kay V(cat age). Itago na lang natin ang org na ito sa pangalang-Kubeta. Actually kasama ko siya na pumasok sa kubeta pero ako lang ang lumabas at naiwan siya sa loob. Nagustuhan niya ata dun kasi nakakita siya ng Anghel at siguro kala niya ang Kubeta ay isang langit. To make it short nagustuhan niya si Angelique pero that doesn't mean na gusto rin ni Angelique si V, ano sa tingin niyo forever ni Marcelo? "In your little monkey dreams" Simula noong sophomore nage-efort si V every ocassion para mapansin siya ni Angelique, may regalo siya sa Valentine's day, Sa birthday ni Angelique at sa araw na malakas ang sapi ni Pablo Picasso sa kanya. Yung regalo niya parang Oblation sa UP mapapa-wow ka sa laki ng ginagawa niyang sining, as in wow grabe "Hanep anak ah", effortful kung baga. Dahan-dahang ipinasok ni V sa buhay niya si Angelique, ni hindi man lang niya i-scan kung may virus si Angelique basta ang alam niya "It doesnt matter as long as it is a 50gb flash drive" Pero ngayong taon, sa loob ng 3 taon na naging parte ng buhay ni V si Angelique, dun niya nalaman na ang 50gb flash drive na ito ay may virus. Naghanda si V ng regalo para kay Angelique sa birthday niya, isang napakagandang gumagalwa na "Mother and child" ang surprise ni V. Naurong pa nga ang pagbigay niya dahil sa lecheng bagyo na iyan at dahil na din sa napakaspecial nung regalo kaya natagalan. Wala siyang matinong plano kaya heto kami, tinawag ang buong Barangay Laurel para backupan siya, isinama ko na din si Mang Tomas at Jason Bourne. Nagplano kami at hindi to maganda, napakaganda nito. Naka-standby na yung buong team ng PUP Thomism para sa lights&camera, andiyan na si Mang Tomas para makiusyoso, maayos na ang daan papuntang Jollibee, nakaset na ang oras ng 'Surprise', naka-standby na din ang mga mob dancers sa kanto, naghihintay na ang banda sa food court para tumogtog, parating na din ang lechon na galing sa La Loma, may banderitas na din at handa na ang lamesa at upuan para sa bisita, ayos na ang catering services, ayos na din yung Sound System at yung performers tulad ng Silent Sanctuary, Kamikaze at Tanya Markova. Pero sabi ko nga plano lang ang lahat, basta ibinigay na lang ni V yung "Mother and child" Epic fail yung plano ni V, tinangihan ni Angelique yung regalo. Hindi man daw pinansin, 4r4y q0h bh3. Yung kala mo Forever yun pala limang segundo lang. Hindi dahil nakalagay sa casing ng flash drive ay 50gb ay 50gb ba yun at hindi dahil sabi nung tindero ng chicharon na may "laman" ang tinitinda niyang chicharon eh may laman talaga yung chicharon. Saka lang nalaman ni V na may virus pala yung flash drive na iyon nung nagka-leche-leche na ang system niya, hindi lang pala virus, sa tagal na naka-connect eh nagkaroon nsa ng worm. Takte kahit yung mga kaklase niyang bukambibig ang "Understanding" di siya maintindihan. Walang tumulong na ayusin ang system niya, ayaw niya kasing magpaayos. Ngayon okay naman siya, parang si crush mukhang napaka-okay pero sabi ko yung mga taong ganito parang si V, nakangiti sa labas pero nakasimangot sa loob.

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2:13 AM | 0 comments