To The One I Truly Admire

Picture taken along the riverside in Balongao, Pangasinan

To the One I Truly Admire

I’m sorry for spilling the orange juice over your beautiful dress the other night. I still can’t get over about such stupidity and all these annoying matters I’ve done to you. Forgive me. I’ve failed to at least do something good to you.

I admire you and I just want you to know why I do and why I want to try, if there is any luck left, to court you before regret will come slapping my face tomorrow.

You are that kind of girl who looks grouchy but within, weighs a friendly person who have the warmest smile that flickers together with your beautiful eyes. And in such instances when you laugh one will come to deny that you are that scary grouchy girl in the school. Another reason why most who knows you pretty well can’t even laid down a dozen of reason of mistakes because they know, even there are some implications, that you are Kind-hearted person.

The first thing I notice is that you are emotionally resilient, the first time I saw you I thought you were a happy-go-lucky-rich-kid-who-doesn’t-give-fuck-because-she-is-too-beautiful-to-possess-any-stressful-problems kind of person but I was wrong. The first time I saw you, your Two-year Boyfriend just broke up with you though it turned to be like that I never see any sign that you let such pain to ruin yourself.

Another thing to consider is that you love reading books. As they say ‘Find someone who love to read books’ because they appreciate the thought and opinion of others. Readers met hundreds of souls, see the things an average person can’t notice and experienced complex emotions through the pages and chapters of every book they held into their hands and let those wisdoms sink into their soul.

Above from such, I didn’t find you, I notice you even you try to conceal yourself in the shadows whenever I try to take a stolen picture of yours. You are simple yet unique. I see that you hate to be in the limelight but you want people to notice you because they see you the way you wanted yourself to be seen by these persons around you.

I can go further defining you through these metaphors and elaborating some fractions of your infinites, I can even write a book for you if you want.

But do you know what makes me to admire you more than a girl who have 36B, a gentle waist curve, a buns and a compelling physical appearance? Because I see the person inside of such face and I admire her. Beautiful face would come to wither and die but never the soul which lies underneath, it would live in eternity in the minds of those who were left behind. As I said to you, ‘I accept you because it’s you’ and that is a good reason to fall for over and over again.

The fact is that, you are too perfect to be true, like an Angel, who comes down in this place to let men know that God exist in many different ways including Love and Admiration. You opened the highways of my senses to see what is not seen and to feel what is not felt and through such act I come to write this letter because I can’t go in front of you and talk about all these things. I’m afraid that I’m too imperfect for you.

This feeling is weird and so I’ am. The hardest part of everything is to start something when everything seems to be an end. Maybe we are just that two strangers who see each other on our life’s journey but I just don’t want to meet you in a crossroad in which we would head on opposite direction. I want to be with you and to see you being with someone that would fit into your perfection and at such point I would be eternally grateful and satisfied. To see someone you truly admire being grateful is enough to quench a heart of a content man.

To sum everything, here is how I can define you—you are that great star that I looked upon the night sky, you are that sunset that I come to watch after waiting for the entire day to pass and a sunrise that wakes me up through such warmest dew, a horizon that put a boundaries between the sky and the earth, a flower that mesmerize the eyes, the rain that falls blindly in the ground, a light that guides me back home, a soft wind in the fields that takes me off my feet, a music that sings a lullaby in my ears and an Angel that keeps me under the shores watching how this world revolves and see every piece of beauty that lived into its realm. And I know how these feelings stucked those who admire you more than I do.

It’s been a long time and I thought that this is some sort of feelings that would fade as the time pass by. All things change but that doesn’t mean all things are gone. But you see, I turned to love things because I see a fraction of you inside of such thing.

I wish I could’ve danced you a little longer, and let all these thoughts to fell into one definitive meanings. However things have an ending in which after the dance I would let go of your hand and let others feel the same emotions that comes across my senses when I held your hand as we dance together in the crowd but before such would happen I would like to thank you for the chance.

If you wonder why some would knock on your door and ask for a chance for them to love you? It’s because you are worth to be admired, to fall for and to be loved and a kind of princess who deserve a happy-ever-after story.

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7:09 PM | 0 comments

The Poet's Tragedy

A poet will always be a poet, just like how he do it,
how he live it, and how he make it. He is a poet after all

THE POET'S TRAGEDY

Let me write you something
things about everything;
Effort worth spending,
Phrases are worth saying;
Time and day worth resting,
Energy worth nothing;
For you're that everything
That makes I worth nothing,
If you are not living
In world that I'm writing
For I know I'm loving
Even though I'm losing
For I'm not existing
In world you're standing.

Dedicated to Princess Angelique David
The Circular Catalog

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8:38 PM | 0 comments

Sadness, a Chance to see What is Happiness

A typical country side sunset in the Philippines

To feel something odd is the best way to see better things in the most better way of looking at it. Though not all people can see such chances in life, for they're pre-occupied by the feelings and emotion. Emotion will never give something more important than a definition of feelings. The tragedy, the sadness, the oddness of things makes a clear view of looking on the opposite side where all of this things never exist.

There is a reason why we all fell in the pit of sadness, defeat and reasons to feel withdrawn in every situation. A reason comes always in two's that either we choose to look at it in the both side or ignore the other side to fully understand the true meaning of such reason. This two reason are the negative and the positive side, but it is actually us who makes a boderline of which is which and what is what in such ideas. We know this kind of "Positve" and "Negative" side as we grow up and define the things in life that is unanswered in our childhood. So it is easy for us to know which is which and what is what in just looking over it.

However as i said, we're pre-occupied by the sense of emotion that is brought by the situation. When we're happy, we manifest happiness, confidence and other kinds of "Positive" attitude that may send us in a better way of living and looking over our life's pathway. Positive growth and development of ones mind can be noticed and can be recognize. But when there is sadness, we're pre-occupied by the reasons and the emotion brought by the sadness.

What if we take this reason, the sadness, as a good chance of looking over the other side in a very optimistic way. For the drawbacks of the sadness will give you nothing but pain within oneself, but to see the other side and the sense of desire to go back there, enthusiastically, and to hold the things that makes ones happiness is the best thing to do.

Don't let the sadness comes to your heart and eat oneself, let it come for us to understand what is self when it lives in sadness and what is the importance if self lived in happiness

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8:33 PM | 0 comments

On The Other Side

You will never learn to miss a thing without
enduring the meaning on the other way.
Photo taken : Napudot Road, Brgy. Kita-Kita, Balungao

ON THE OTHER SIDE

Let me call for sadness
For I shall know happiness,
Let the bitter come, be harness
For I to recognize sweetness,
Let the pain on my numbness
to let me feel be hopeless,
Let tragedy comes endless
for me to feel indulgeness.
For human will never learn,
the meaning of things we earn,
Not until comes opposite turn,
Meaning be realized in return.

This song is dedicated for the people who do not cares about the things that they have now on their possession. They sometimes or all of the times, disregard the thing that they have, ignore it instead of cherishing it. Things didn't come again and again and the importance of it will be recognized/ be realized in terms when it didn't exists at all.
It is simple thing, it is a simple idea--not all things exist forever, so make use of the time of its existance.

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1:40 AM | 0 comments

No Tittle

I actually write this poem to this special person but as what
she feels it is not enough to be called as sonnet. It lacks few
lines to be called as a sonnet

Years proceed bestowed ones age
Proof to endure so firm thou stand
Thy feet took steps thee stance in land
Time proceed not ever in mind

For seasons advanced, run so blind
Lift oneself up don't fall behind
Such strong person thou lives inside
Let it go, let it break the line

I stopped for a few minutes after writing this poem in a piece of paper. It is just a simple gift, a simple gift for a special person. However time and the universe give enough reason for me to judge her from top to toe, i mean from bottom and on the top of her personality. Not entirely, but the pieces of the ideas makes one firm judgement, a rational judgement that the person whom i expected more to understand a "weird" personality is a lies.

Maybe the chances brought me on that point where i have to think if she is good enough for me, or she is just immature enough to be judge accordingly. There are a lot of things, maybe a lot of speculation around that situation of mine mostly negative. Expectation didn't kill it is the feeling of letting go a person that you're attached as you write this creepy novels and poems only dedicated for her.

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11:08 AM | 1 comments

Taking Chances

There are only two options, one take that chance and
explore the possibilities beyond or two run away and have
your own life, nothing change, nothing to happen.

Personal Chances in our decision in Life

Not all things comes randomly, there is a pattern we just didn't know it how it goes. And there are times when this "things" comes to us either it is unexpectedly or unintentional , and that is we called  chances. The chances which can be a turnout in such events of your life, or can change what you expected in the future, or change the way how you think about the things in life. The possibilities are endless beyond that certain chances that pops out in the universe, we can look at that or just leave it there-ignored.

This chances comes in a great reason to throw you back in the line but there are chances that can drive you off that trail. That "Negative" Chances that cross in every human's life makes a fear inside us that can entirely throw us off that path and make us in a place where we are not moving at all, with no direction you're just standing there all day or worst until you die. Fear can be the barrier in having a good life, we are all in great fear of the new things that makes us to be left behind the trails of the others. We're afraid of it knowing that we would be lost in that "New Things" where we can have no direction at all. However such negativism of thoughts will make you idle in one point with no progress as you walk on that trail of yours heading on that direction that you've dreamed of. Fear will break you down and hinders you from the possibilities of doing things better than what you do things right now.

There are a lot of chances, a lot of chances that we missed and lost forever. Some of them comes back, some of them comes again and again, and some of them stays for little time until they're gone. However there is no assurance if such chances will come out again so better grab it when it is hot before it becomes cold and useless. Every Chances have its own consequences but if we look at that consequences rather than the possibility of taking that chances into action, we may found ourself in fear and in boredom of life

Giving Chances to others

Chances didn't come up in the mid-air without anyone placing it right there. There are events that may throw you in the situation in which you will choose if that chances in front of you will be better or worse to your side. As i said, things didn't come randomly- we can understand it in better view using the Chaos Pattern. Anyway, giving chances to the others is optional to your side, you can create a kind of chance to this kind of person or to that kind of person it is upon your consent.

Some of us deprives other people right to be given a chances which makes a border between Psychological aspects in socializing or interacting between two individuals. Either it is cause by fear because we experience such thing in the past or just a fear in nothing (we don't have a clue on the consequences or any idea what will happen aftermath). Whatever the reason is, giving a chance to someone is giving yourself a huge possibilities in life. However, giving a chance is not a simply thing like giving a lolipop or a yellow cab pizza to the poor, we need to be rational in our excuses that define our decision upon that situation. Ask yourself if your decision is rational enough to answer all of your question, if not, then it is not rational according to your idea. Not because you feel bad about it, it makes a firm foundation that you're rational on your decision.

Most of the people dares not to think rationally because it consumes a lot of time, they could have spend it to their pleasures to fulfill their satisfaction. Their mindset are like "Oh i have this feeling, i'm not doing that" feeling is not a good basis of decision. Why? because feeling is not constant (More if you're so irrational in thinking, better not base all the things to feelings), you sometimes feel wrong but you think you're happy, we misjudge our own feelings, how can that be so trustworthy? They sometimes head on giving chances to the wrong person and hoping for the best that their expectations will come to reality. It is the main reason why a person give a chance to a wrong person, because they know what will happen even though it is irrational basis in giving someone a chance.

Chances carry a lot of possibilities, we may have some clue in it but the consequences beyond that are endless (you can choose anything from it) more than our expectations. It is a countless chances that may lead you to another chances that can open another door for you. Life knowing what is the outcome of the effort is a life with no thrill and adventure. We may taking some wrong chances, but please don't make it stop you from taking Chances again, learn from it don't let the fear hinders you.

Life is an endless possibilities you just need to explore and look for the better life that you can say it is "Uniquely yours"

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9:50 AM | 0 comments

The Real Loss Is To Love Someone More than Yourself

You need an arms to throw away all of the bad luck beneath

If you ever remember or watched that 1996 film of Matt Damon together with Ben Affleck the title may sound very familiar to you. I get that phrase on the movie Good Will Hunting which gives a lot of shit if you listen carefully. When you feel such love, the thing what some of the bookish person i meet refer as "Spark" (I didn't ever feel such thing, except during the summer days--rushing in the fully air-conditioned 7eleven store and accidentally touching your friend's skin) it is the most unexplainable thing and surreal feeling that a man may ever feel. In the point when you feel immobilize, can't move, can't even speak well and your mind seems too numb to think what will you do on that point. Such feeling is unmeasurable, it is like a lightning that strikes you down the sky-it comes so quickly that you didn't have enough time to escape from it either throw it away and hide from it. Such feeling is there when this special person of yours is right there besides you. A person that makes you feel important guy in a movie, a person that makes you feel happy and a person that seems like she is carrying a comforter in which you can rest and be comfortable anytime-anywhere you meet. She is there on the front doors when you feel bad about your family, when the society is against you and when all the things seems falling down you have no where to run, no where to hide and no place to cry like a baby and throw all of your emotions. When you're feeling sick she is there to lend you a hand and to care for you. Such examples make a strong emotional connnection between two people and as the time goes trust will make the foundation even stronger through the winds and storm on the way. To trust someone is the best gift that anyone can give and to receive-it is the best gift for marriage and for having a relationship.
For such a long time of trusting that person, that seems like she is part of yourself. A person that you want to be with at the end of the day and on the next day beside you as you start your another chapter of your life, a girl that you want to spend with you in lifetime. For a long time you feel that you love her more that yourself and she love you as what you love her-you're together for a long time and for a long years you've been on storm together, you get through it and survive in it. And when that person is lost, you can't do nothing but to see her to be taken away by God, the sense of real lost can only be felt if you learn to love someone more than you love yourself. That is the greatest lost of a man-to see someone to be taken away by fate, a simple but deepest thing that he will carry in the rest of his life.

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3:35 AM | 0 comments